I cried myself to sleep last night. I was feeling like a total failure...a complete loser. I can't have babies and I couldn't keep my husband happy while we were married. I celebrated a dear friend's 40th birthday with her last night and all of a sudden I realized not only am I showing up at these parties sans kids now I'm showing up sans husband. I felt pathetic. So I drank too much which probably explains the tears. 

But today I'm feeling surprisingly better. Once again I reminded myself this morning that I have an amazing life for which I am grateful. If I give thanks to the Universe, the Universe will reward me with more blessings. I know there is happiness in my future...I can feel it. GRATITUDE

Speaking of gratitude, I have decided to get a tattoo of the Gratitude symbol in hot pink. It will always be there to remind me to be thankful for what I have because if you don't it could be gone so fast. 

One year ago today marked the beginning of the end for a few things in my life. I know there will always be a tiny ache in my heart for the rest of my life for the babies I wished I had and for the marriage I couldn't save but that part of my life is over now and I am going to move on. 

This is it for me...the infertiledeva is dead. Be well, be happy, be grateful and may all your dreams come true. xoxo

PS...to all of my girlfriends who read this, THANK YOU for being there for me and loving me unconditionally even when I am a total flake. I love you and appreciate you more than you'll ever know.