I have so many wonderful friends and family. Okay...now I'm crying. I just want this so bad and I still can't believe it has come to this. The needles, the drugs, the money. It's all so surreal. Every day when I stick the needles into my stomach I have to remind myself why I am doing this and that it will be worth it one day. My stomach is covered in bruises and so sensitive. The head aches are unbearable. This sucks!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Well I leave for Calgary on Wednesday. I am experiencing so many emotions right now: nervous, excited, scared, anxious. I have been thinking that whatever is meant to be will be but sometimes I get this wave of emotion and I have to talk myself down off the ledge!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
AF paid me a visit yesterday so we are set to start the Gonal F and Luveris tomorrow along with the Suprefact...that's 4 shots per day. I've discovered the Suprefact gives me wicked headaches so that hasn't been much fun. DH and I both have to go on antibiotics also. Apparently our skin will become supersensitive while on the medication so no beach time for us. I have an u/s scheduled in Calgary for July 31st...only 6 more sleeps until I'm there and preparing for the big day. I also have a consultation with an acupuncturist in Calgary who specializes in Fertility. I don't even feel like this is my life but that I'm on the outside looking in.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I gave myself my first shot this morning!! I was so nervous I was shaking but it wasn't so bad. It took me like 10 minutes to get organized to do it but I'm sure I'll get more efficient. DH would not give it to me but kept saying, "Just do it. It won't be bad!" And it wasn't. It's weird putting a needle into yourself. Clearly I was never a heroine addict! LOL!!
So I take the Suprefact injections twice a day until AF shows up and then I add 2 other injections: Gonal F and Luveris. That will be 4 injections a day for about 12 to 14 days. I can't believe this is happening.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Had the cyst removed in Calgary this morning. I had to be at the clinic by 8am for an u/s which showed the cyst was still there. I was secretly praying that it had gone away over the weekend and I simply came here for a lovely visit with a BFF, but oh well. So then I had to go back for the procedure at 11:30. It was interesting because you sit in a room waiting for you turn to go in and I could hear nurses talking to women who were going for their retrieval or transfer so now I know what it's going to be like when I go for mine. The draining of the cyst was not pleasant...I'm not going to lie but it was really quick so it was over fast.
After the procedure I had my "teaching" of how to do the injections. It was a little overwhelming. In a few days I will be giving myself 4 shots a day...YIKES! And keeping dosages and everything straight will be interesting. They are so organized at the clinic though so I have a timeline that will help me. And holy drugs batman!!! I seriously need another suitcase to bring my drugs home...no joke. They won't fit!! And holy expensive. It's unbelievable!
Anyway, we're back on track. I start my first injections (Suprefact) on Wednesday. I'm so nervous. Thank goodness my DH is home from Europe now (and I'm not home) so he can help me with the first few shots. I fly back home tomorrow.
How optimistic is this? I went shopping today but decided against buying work clothes in the hopes that I'll be too fat for them by fall. :-)
Friday, July 18, 2008
Well I got the phone call and the cyst is non-functional (yay!) but it needs to be gone before we can continue with treatment. So, I had two options: #1-wait it out and see if it's gone next week or #2-go to Calgary and have it drained. So I chose option 2. I'm getting on a plane tomorrow morning and will have the procedure done first thing Monday morning. This way we can continue on with the protocol as planned. I will also pick up all of my drugs while I'm there and they can show me how to do the shots and everything while I'm there. Apparently this is very routine and happens often. I guess the draining part isn't so pleasant but it will all be worth it in the end. Welcome to my life!
I went back to the hospital for blood tests today. Not sure when Calgary will get the results but I'm really hoping it turns out to be nothing and we can continue on with the protocol as planned. I heard from DH today. He phoned me from Europe. Even though I KNOW the cyst is no big deal I started to cry when I told him about it. Of course, he said it's no big deal and we will get through this and not to worry. He is so strong.
Oh ya', and I'm a cleanse drop out. It was so HARD to stick to it while camping!! I made it halfway through the 10 day cleanse and then threw in the towel. I am still focusing on eating healthy though and cutting all the bad stuff out of my diet. Thank you Jesus for non-alcoholic beer!! Mmm...beer and clam on a sunny day. Yum!
Still going to acupuncture and I was even hooked up with a lady in Calgary who does acupuncture and specializes in fertility. She works with the clinic up there. So I was able to book a couple of appointments with her while I'm there. Yay!
Will write more when I hear about the cyst situation.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Went for my u/s today and damn it if I don't have a cyst! Shoot! So I have to go back in for a blood test tomorrow to determine whether it is producing estrogen. Then they will decide if I need to have it drained or wait to see if it goes away on its own once the bc pills are done. This sucks. And where the HELL is my DH when I need him?!?!?!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I'm halfway through the cleanse today. Woo Hoo!! Actually, I'll have to add an extra couple of days to the cleanse because I cut back from 3 packets to 2 packets a day. The first couple of days were pretty harsh. I was afraid to leave the house and get too far away from a bathroom!! TMI, I know. I'm feeling much better now. I am usually STARVING by 10:00 pm but I get through it without eating.
I've figured out the right balance of berries and juice in my smoothie and I actually quite enjoy it in the morning. Eating is getting easier but boy has it been expensive this week buying food!!! It's not all the "healthy eating's" fault though because with us in the new house I'm finding we have NOTHING. I am happy that there is a lot of organic food to choose from in Safeway and Sobey's because the Organic grocery stores are quite pricey. Wheat still seems to be my biggest challenge but it's getting easier. I went downtown yesterday to the farmer's market and all I could smell was the hot dogs cooking. I wanted one SO BAD!!! But I resisted. I think I dreamt about hot dogs last night. LOL!
Anyway, still just taking BC pills and aspirin. I have an u/s scheduled for July 17th and then if all looks good, I could be starting stims on July 23rd. Thank goodness my DH will be home from Europe in time for this to give me strength. He was hoping he would be away for the "hormonal stage" but alas he will be here right in the middle of it. LOL!!!
And just when we couldn't be any more blessed, some close friends of ours got us an amazing rate on a suite in Calgary!! We are so lucky!!! I'm still figuring out where I'll stay when I first get there (July 30-Aug.4th) but then DH and I have decided we'd like to be alone during the ER and ET...it could be quite an emotional time for us. So we'll stay in the suite...yay!
I really appreciate the emails of support and food tips. If you know of a hamburger/hot dog bun that does not have wheat let me know!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I cannot describe how fortunate I feel right now. It seems like all of the stars are lining up and the universe is preparing us for our miracle. I got into see Dr. Julie Zepp on Thursday. She is a renowned Naturopathic Doctor here in my city. Her waiting list is 3 years long and I got into see her after contacting her via email in just a couple of months. There was a cancellation and I got it. Meeting with her has made me feel even more hopeful and optimistic. We spent a lot of time talking about my journey, my goals, my fears, etc. and then she studied my eyes and was able to see that I carry around a lot of stress and anxiety (duh!) and she also saw grief. But she also said that my eyes revealed a "strong constitution" meaning I don't show a lot of weakness. The problem with this though is that I don't recognize the signals my body gives off when it's time to relax or slow down. I just go, go, go all the time. And she also said it looks as though I hold everything in...which I totally do! My body appears tight and tense. So, first order of business is to look after myself and make more deposits into the stress account. She wants me in bed my 10 and stay in bed until 8. If I wake up before 8, I'm to have some hot water and lemon and stay in bed reading or meditating. She gave me a recipe for a Smoothie to have for breakfast (which has taken the edge of the disgusting green concentrate I was taking...phew!) and I also started a cleanse/detox today. She also made several dietary suggestions with the basic rule of thumb being, "eat as close to nature as possible". No red meat, no dairy (unless it's plain, organic yogurt), no wheat, no caffeine and no alcohol. So I had fun going to organic grocery stores trying to shop for my new diet...it's so hard though!! The hardest thing for me will be the wheat because I'm SUCH a carb junkie.
I've been walking every day since summer holidays started and have just been taking care of ME. Watching movies, reading and napping. It has been glorious. I think I'll blow the dust off of my yoga mat tomorrow too.
A group of my friends made me a scapbook full of inspirational quotes for our trip to Calgary. It is so beautiful and thoughtful. I am so blessed.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Well I started the birth control pills on Monday after a bit of a gong show at the pharmacy. Apparently they don't know what to do with a prescription that isn't on one of those small pieces of paper! Jeesh! Anyway, I was able to convince the pharmacist that it was indeed a legal prescription and so now we're in business. I will have all the rest of my drugs sent to me from the Calgary Clinic's Pharmacy though just to be safe.
So the plan is to do 21 days of BCP. On July 17th I have to go for blood work and an ultrasound to make sure I have no cysts and my uterus looks good and then if all is good I start doing the stims. It's actually only 2 injections a day so that isn't so bad. I am expected to by in Calgary for July 31st. My DH is in Europe until July 24th...I may go up to Calgary by myself first and then DH will join me later. Our retrieval is still set for August 5th with a transfer on August 8th and hopefully we'll be back home around the 10th or 11th. Please send positive vibes/prayers out to the universe for us.
Oh yes! And I am starting a new acupuncture regime next week which will include 2 treatments on my back per week. This will fatten up my uterine lining and help with my little peanuts snuggling in real tight.
I am so nervous I could puke.