Everybody's Got a Pooper

It kills me that friends are afraid to tell me they are pregnant. Well, I know they're not afraid, they just don't want to hurt my feelings because they love me. But I hate that my situation makes it hard on them. I am absolutely thrilled when my friends get pregnant!!! But, I admit, it hurts a little bit too. I know the time will come when I will be able to announce that we're pregnant too though. 

We were at a birthday party last night for two of my "surrogate nieces". My friends let me be their kids' auntie too which brings me more joy than any of them could ever know. There were 5 other couples there with all of their children and all of a sudden I was just in absolute amazement that these children were conceived with such ease. It is impossible for me to fathom actually setting out to have children and it actually happening in a month or two. It made me sad but it also made me realize what it is I feel I've lost and have been mourning. It's not the baby because I know we will have our babies. It was the dream. I've lost the fairy tale dream that all girls have where they marry their husband and they plan to have 2 children and their first baby is born and then two years later their second baby is born and they are blessed. I'm mourning the fairy tale that I will never have. Mind you, looking back, my life story doesn't really have me cast as Cinderella now does it. You would think that by now I'd have given up on the fairy tale but I guess not. 

Oh well, I guess DH and I are writing our own more contemporary version of a fairy tale. More of a science fiction genre which DH would prefer anyway.

I left the party lasting night wondering how something could cause one person's heart to be so full of love and be broken at the same time.